Diary of a Brisbane Summer. (By a Pom)

August 31st: Just got transferred with work into our new home in Brisbane!!
Now this is a city that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm
balmy evenings. What a place! I watched the sunset from a deck chair on the
veranda. It was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.

September 13th: Really heating up. Got to 35 today. Not a problem. Live in
an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to
see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshiper.

September 30th: Had the backyard landscaped with tropical plants today.
Lots of palms and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing lawn for
me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.

October 10th: The temperature hasn't been below 30 all week. How do people
get used to this kind of heat? At least today it's kind of windy though. But
getting used to the heat and humidity is taking longer that I expected.

October 15th: Fell asleep by the pool. Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my
body. Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson
though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.

October 20th: I missed Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left
this morning. By the time I got to the hot car for lunch, Kitty had died and
swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stank up the $3,000 leather
upholstery. I told the kids that she ran away. The car now smells like
Whiskettes and cat [stupid is as stupid does]. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this

October 25th: The wind sucks. It feels like a giant bloody blow dryer! And
it's hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the blink and the AC
repairman charged $200 just to tell me he needed to order parts.

October 30th: Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now. Bloody
$450,000 house and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?

November 4th: It's 35 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today.
It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to 25, but this bloody humidity
makes the house feel like it's about 30. Stupid repairman. I hate this
stupid place.

November 8th: If another wise arse cracks, "Hot enough for you today?" I'm
going to strangle him. Bloody heat. By the time I get to work the car's
radiator was boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like
baked cat!

November 9th: Tried to run some messages after work. Wore shorts, and sat
on the black leather seats in the ol' car. I thought my arse was on fire. I
lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and my arse.
Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried arse, and baked cat.

November 10th: The weather report might as well be a bloody recording. Hot
and sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to do anything
for 2 damn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week.
Doesn't it ever rain in this damn place? Water rationing now! My $2,000
worth of palms just dried up and blew into the bloody pool. Even the palms
can't live in this heat.

November 14th: Welcome to HELL!!! Temperature got to 38 today. Now the
air-conditioner's gone in my car. The repairman came to fix it and said,
"Hot enough for you today?" My wife had to spend the $2,500 house payment
to bail my arse out of jail for assaulting the repairman. Bloody Brisbane.
What kind of a sick demented idiot would want to live here?

December 1st: WHAT????? This is the first day of Summer???? You are
freaking kidding...