I meant to have this out last Friday...
Whoomp - here it is:
Flush to Blush
A long long time ago in a john at a client-site not too far away…
I was squatting, as most males tend to do to allow for execution of a certain biological function. I was sitting there pondering with one brain process that future humans should be equipped with removable waste packages. “Pull up to a gas station, give the vehicle a drink, empty the waste collector into a receptacle for turning human waste into fuel for my ride.” The other brain process was lip-synching silent song. I was in the middle of “You consider me a young apprentice, Caught between the Scylla and Charibdessssssssssssssss…. Just as I was tonguing “Hypnotized”, I was jolted by an abrupt and rapid ascent of the toilet. I thought the San Andreas fault had spidered into Minnesota. I bit the tip of my tongue. It was not a bleeder – good! Before I could assess the rest of the situation, I was bounced around a few more times. There was sloshing below me. I needed to dismount in a hurry! I checked for slosh marks. I flushed using my foot and saw another bounce and the sloshing. Then it occurred to me. The plumbing or common mounting device was connected to a toilet on the other side of the wall in the room where members of hopefully the opposite gender visited for waste disposal. Where I sat the arc of travel was probably about one to one and a half inches - enough for fun and not enough to break anything.
Apparently, a woman next door simply sat down and had a difficult time finding a good seat-to-rump position. Thus, she had made some tremor-yielding adjustments. Voices! My ears tuned in. Just as Axel here heard voices: http://www.oldielyrics.com/lyrics/ri...rration_3.html
I heard voices, female voices. I heard faucets and imagined washing hands. I heard a door. I exited quickly and saw a woman who looked capable of bouncing me around. I registered the face in my fun-revenge NRAM (neural RAM).
NRAM flushed and I never thought of it again – until several months had passed. Then I saw her. I saw her face and she was about to relieve her (self). <- Thank you Neil Diamond: http://www.monkees.net/docs/LYRICS/BELIEVER.htm
We were both headed to our respectful bio-refuges at the same time! NRAM fired up and my mind went to work. The stalls were empty on my side. She went into her side with a couple other women. Which waste-catcher will she sit on, I pondered. I heard the plumbing clank and saw sloshing. Cool! (I hadn’t used “circular” back then). I dressed or rather undressed the part. I squatted with gumption and mettle on the porcelain kettle. She replied! I replied to her reply! I could hear laughter through the wall and some through the pipes. Soon we were rhythm in motion! I even slipped in one of those quick extra moves that I used as a kid when my brother and I used to try to jolt the other from the teeter-totter. She knew the routine and replied with spunk! Soon we were both laughing out loud. Suddenly she stopped. Other people entered both restrooms. That would help me covertly make an escape! I assumed she was planning the same thing. The bathroom doors opposed each other and opened up to a watering station. I opened the door. The door to the women’s room opened. It was she! To each other, our eyes were dead giveaways! I grinned. She laughed and said, “Thanks for the ride!” I was speechless.
I will never forget playing Toilet Teeter Totter!
== See ya! ==
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I was laughing so loud I'm glad I wasn't at work when I read it!
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Actually, the best place to be when reading it is probably the one referenced in the story. (Though maybe not. Sitting on the can is probably not the best place to be helpless with laughter - at least, not if there is anyone in earshot).