<> Bud and Art
<FONT face="Tahoma, sans-serif" size=2>Based upon a topic by "Plummi" and all contributors:</FONT></P></FONT>
<FONT face="Tahoma, sans-serif" size=2>http://www.sqaforums.com/showflat.php?Cat=0&Number=262952&an=0& page=0#Post262952</FONT></P>
<FONT face="Tahoma, sans-serif" size=2>The installments within have been revised slightly from the originals.</FONT></P>
<FONT face="Tahoma, sans-serif" size=2>Background</FONT></P>
<FONT face="Tahoma, sans-serif" size=2>This is fiction of course! Any resemblance within of the characters or events to real persons or real events is purely coincidental. Clearly there are some brilliant and ethical IT leaders in the industry. It is those who are to be congratulated. As with any industry there are individuals who do not quite make the grade but continue to rise to their level of incompetence. </FONT></P>
<FONT face="Tahoma, sans-serif" size=2>Introduction</FONT></P>
<FONT face="Tahoma, sans-serif" size=2>Currently Art and Bud are IT-Execs. They rose through the ranks as Yes-Men. They have an exceptional command of buzz phrases, arm-flailing and emphatic gestures. Their ears perform overtime as they are constantly listening for new phrases that they can borrow and use to cement their credibility, give the impression that they are value-adds beyond compare and, propel themselves further upward in the ranks. They both came from small chaotic Dot-Bomb shops. Their experiences and sinfully sized paychecks convinced them that projects have no time for QA or testing. They got software out the door. Or was it that the developers and testers got software out the door? The customer complaints about that software were irrelevant. Understandably, those complaints and the resulting litigation represent things they would prefer to not publicize. Art and Bud live in the same golfing community where so many other executives can be found. While Art and Bud are not neighbors, each has an influential neighbor. Frank is one of Art’s neighbors. Frank is an account executive with a Big N IT-Consulting firm. Hubert is one of Bud’s neighbors. Hubert is one of two principals of a local consulting firm, which specializes in software test automation. On golf outings together Frank, Art, Bud, and Hubert discuss the many frustrations as detailed by Art and Bud. They laugh often about QA/Testing. "Why do these testers complain all the time?" "They’re just a bunch of misfits." "Every time they insist on improving the requirements process I want to take wood driver to their a$$es." "That guy Dave or John or whatever his name is asks way too many questions. I think he has defects in his brainware." During these rants, Hubert doesn’t laugh so much since he knows Art and Bud are not strong proponents of QA/Testing. He is thinking about silver-bullet opportunities with Art and Bud. He believes that he can persuade Art and Bud that QA/Testing is a necessary evil and that there are ways to make it less evil. Hubert knows that Art and Bud have an excellent command of gestures and buzz-phrases. He knows they can mesmerize an audience and leave that audience in a stupor, such that the audiences are always left with the feeling that they just heard an unrivaled and brilliant vision. It shouldn’t be difficult for Hubert to use the same techniques to persuade Art and Bud that they should eventually replace their QA/Test staff with his own contractors.</FONT></P>
<FONT face="Tahoma, sans-serif" size=2>Installment I</FONT></P>
<FONT face="Tahoma, sans-serif"><FONT size=2>Art and Bud summarize their recent discussions to their boss:
We decided to do lunch to afford ourselves an opportunity to touch base and look at moving forward the need to better leverage our quality and testing resources. We decided that we could create an atmosphere that would require but a slight shift in our current paradigm of always assuming marketing adjustments provide the best means for a value-add. This small shift consists of better leveraging our test automation experience. Doing lunch was a great idea! The crabby patties were excellent and they empowered us to envision opportunities for raising the bar amongst our QA/testers. We agreed that our dynamic environment required people to work smarter and not harder. If we can do this, we can effectively manage and scalefully adjust our parking lot inventory of issues. As we headed out the door and on to the parking lot, we decided that our new department motto - KISS (Keep-It-Simple-Stupid) would really catch fire in our QA/test automation group. They need something over there to raise their morale. I guess the idea of suggesting to them that they should have a monkey as a mascot and bring it to staff meetings was not a good idea. Don't they know that life is like that and will all sort itself out in the end? </P></FONT></FONT>
<FONT face="Tahoma, sans-serif" size=2>Installment II</FONT></P>
<FONT size=2><FONT face="Tahoma, sans-serif">Art and Bud went to liquid lunch again. They returned and presented their updated vision to the QA department at the monthly meeting that is not really held monthly. It is held when Art and Bud feel that they need to hold the bad news hand behind their back and make funny gestures with the other. Art and Bud believe their words of wisdom and extensive knowledge of QA/QC will motivate the team to evolve from monkeys to gorillas or guerillas.
</FONT><FONT face="Tahoma, sans-serif" color=#0000ff>(Context: The expensive audit of the consulting firm (Franks’ firm) brought in to look for inefficient departments found that QA was finding way too many defects and causing delays in the release cycles of the various products. In order to comply with the expensive consulting firm's recommendations from those unchallenged findings, Art and Bud decided to be proactive in their quest for greater executive-ship and soften up the QA dept. to the probability of layoffs. The company was less profitable this quarter - down from 18% in the previous quarter to 17.4% after taxes. Without the cost of the audit, the profit would-have been 19.1%.)</FONT>
<FONT face="Tahoma, sans-serif">Greetings everyone! We know you are all anxious to hear about the new opportunities for the company. So Bud and I are here to circle the wagons with you and make sure we are all on the same page. The future holds tremendous opportunities for us that are - not insurmountable, nor are they David Copperfield illusions. These opportunities should be a slam-dunk for our company. Today, the opportunities and the company's bottom-line challenge us to rationalize our workforce. Bud and I think that we could easily increase our referenceability among our internal and external clients/customers by boosting our ROI and verticalizing anything in our midst that is horizontal. We will be looking near-term to leverage the synergies of your department; proactively doing this in order to achieve greater ROI - as a department. Our vision is to be the lean efficient well-oiled machine that is no longer mechanically challenged!</FONT></FONT></P><FONT face="Tahoma, sans-serif" color=#0000ff size=2>
(Art and Bud pause here for applause due heroes that never arrives).</P></FONT><FONT face=Tahoma>
<FONT face="Tahoma, sans-serif" size=2>Our verticalization process will be completed over the course of the next two weeks. Please be patient as we develop this process. We will have consultants working in your department to gather more detailed information that will be used to assist in shaping the verticalization process. Please work with the consultants and give them the impression that you have your act together! We intend kicking-the-tires of your departmental processes to look for ROI-drain. I don't anticipate any corporate downsizing as a result of the consulting firm's efforts to help our company, specifically your department. I think you all agree that it is the intent of our company to avoid the should-haves and would-haves! We look forward to your extreme cooperative side to go vertical with your company! Bud and I know each of you well and know you how much value-add you provide. Bud - here will now take your questions.
Bud takes the microphone, "Greetings! As Art stated, we are looking for referenceness and verticalness. Any questions? Hi Dave, what is your question."
"Bud, my name is John - remember? My question is, does this mean layoffs in QA/QC?"
"Uh, let's take this offline. Well people, we have exceeded our allotted time and thus we are out of time for questions and don't wish to put you in an actionable position. If you still have a question - please be proactive and email your questions to my admin. Thank you everyone! See you next month." Stupor propelled the audience to the exits.</FONT></P>
<FONT face="Tahoma, sans-serif" size=2>Installment III</FONT></P>
<FONT face="Tahoma, sans-serif" size=2>In progress!</FONT></P></FONT>
<> Bud and Art
This is intended as IT-comedy. It may be warped, oblique, or not even funny to some. I intend it as something many of us have witnessed and come away with heads ashake. Therefore no offense is intended. I have been both contractor and FTE. In both of those worlds my experiences have been rich and rewarding. Some of those experiences did in fact cause me to shake my head and roll my eyes. I see this stuff repeat near and afar. I personally think it fun to extend the adventures of Dilbert's relatives. [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]
If you wish to add phrases, please do so over here. I will keep this topic locked in order to keep all on one page, making it easier to view. If you wish to add your own Art/Bud adventure to this, please let me know and I will unlock this and/or add yours to the above in the existing format.