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  1. #1
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    For Animal Owners

    This was sent to me and I have no idea to whom the real credit should go. It made me smile and I wanted to share.

    To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.

    Dear Dogs and Cats,

    The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other
    dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in
    the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your
    food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

    The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me
    to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall
    faster than you can run.

    I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about
    this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your
    comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It
    is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the
    fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and
    having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but
    sarcasm.

    For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some
    miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
    necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under
    the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I
    entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or feline
    attendance is not required.

    The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I
    cannot stress this enough!

    To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our
    front door:

    To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:

    1. They live here. You don't.
    2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
    (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
    3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
    4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is
    short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

    Remember: In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
    1. Eat less
    2. Don't ask for money all the time
    3 Are easier to train
    4. Normally come when called
    5. Never ask to drive the car
    6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
    7. Don't smoke or drink
    8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
    9. Don't want to wear your clothes
    10. Don't need a "gazillion" dollars for college.

    And finally,

    11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.
    Lynne

    I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work" --Thomas Edison

  2. #2
    Super Member
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    Re: For Animal Owners

    That is funny!

  3. #3
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    Re: For Animal Owners

    WOW Lynne.

    It's as if the person was writing about MY 2 cats.... eerie!

    Great post, Mark.

  4. #4
    Moderator JakeBrake's Avatar
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    Re: For Animal Owners

    I like it Lynne! LOL
    [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

  5. #5
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    Re: For Animal Owners

    11. Don't beg for a cell phone.

    Good find.
    Personal Comment

    Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm.
    ~ Winston Churchill ~


    ...Rich Wagner

  6. #6
    Advanced Member
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    Re: For Animal Owners

    12. You need not to worry for any cell phone bill.

    13. You need not to worry when they(especially she) go for a date.

  7. #7
    Senior Member
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    Re: For Animal Owners

    [ QUOTE ]
    WOW Lynne.

    It's as if the person was writing about MY 2 cats.... eerie!

    Great post, Mark.

    [/ QUOTE ]

    Mine too
    Lynne

    I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work" --Thomas Edison

  8. #8
    Moderator swt88's Avatar
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    Re: For Animal Owners

    Friend of mine sent that to me too. She and I both have two cats and it fits well - especially the parts of 'winding around my legs' and 'racing me down the stairs' (my youngest tends to stop midway to check that I'm following him - dangerous).

    My other favorite is the dog/cat diary entries. I'll see if I can find that one and post it here.
    Mary

  9. #9
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    Re: For Animal Owners

    I got a step ladder out to replace a bulb when I returned with the bulb I had a "helper" (see attached).

    Mark.
    Attached Images Attached Images

  10. #10
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    Re: For Animal Owners

    That is hilarious! I would also like to tell my cat that eating after I put the food into my mouth is not only invasive, but disgusting! [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img] She reaches into my mouth with her paw trying to take food... Really cute Lynne! Thanks! <font color="purple"> </font>

 

 
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