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1. ## Tuesday Humor

An elderly lady phoned her telephone company to report that her telephone failed to ring when her friends called -- and that on the few occasions when it did ring, her pet dog always moaned right before the phone rang. The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog .... or the senile elderly lady.

He climbed a nearby telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned loudly and the telephone began to ring. Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:

1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire via a steel chain and collar.

2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.

3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the phone number was called.

4. After a couple of such jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate on himself and the ground.

5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.

Which goes to show that some problems can be fixed by ****ing and moaning.

2. ## Re: Tuesday Humor

I literally laughed out loud when I finished that. [img]images/icons/smile.gif[/img]

(As I was getting toward the end I was sort of trying to figure out if this was supposed to be a real story, then deciding it must be made up since I'm sure that the voltage coming through your phone line is a lot less than 90v; when that punchline hit me out of the blue. Good stuff!)

3. ## Re: Tuesday Humor

Talk voltage is 48 volts.

Ring voltage is 90 volts.

4. ## Re: Tuesday Humor

Originally posted by Darrel Damon:
Talk voltage is 48 volts.

Ring voltage is 90 volts.
<font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica">Guess that shows how little I know. Am I correct in thinking that the amps are low compared to your 120v AC power supply?

5. ## Re: Tuesday Humor

Very low. Just enough to pick up an old fashioned ring solenoid.

6. ## Re: Tuesday Humor

Thanks, Darrel. I used to know how to read a Bellcore billing record, but I never got involved in the hardware end of things. [img]images/icons/smile.gif[/img]

7. ## Re: Tuesday Humor

I will have to say from experience that you can definitely feel the 90v, especially if your fingers are gripping one side of the punchblock firmly while the other hand is pushing a wire on with a metal tool and the phone rings.

8. ## Re: Tuesday Humor

Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs are. The first man was an Engineer, the second was an Accountant, the third was a Chemist, and the fourth man was a Government Worker.

To show off, the Engineer called to his dog. "T-Square, do your stuff." T-Square trotted over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.

The Accountant said his dog could do better, and said, "Slide Rule, do your stuff." Slide Rule went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each. Everyone agreed that was good.

The Chemist said his dog could do better still, so he called his dog and said, "Measure, do your stuff." Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop. Everyone agreed that was great.

The Government Worker called to his dog and said, "Coffee Break, do your stuff!" Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, dumped on the paper, sexually assaulted the other three dogs, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance for unsafe working conditions, put in for Workers Compensation and went home on sick leave. Everyone agreed that was really typical

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